to celebrate

today my blog turns five

it began for my mom. she loved seeing photos of her

grandchildren. i hoped to help her memory.
my stepdad would sit her in front of the computer and she would

be delighted, he'd tell me. since beginning this blog, my mom has passed from 

alzheimer's. when she couldn't sit at the computer anymore, i thought of stopping, but my 

stepdad said to go on, he was proud of me (he said). 

i am so glad, that i did. like most every blogger, i've made friends with

 people, the whole world over. and incredibly, met many too. from 

new york city to far continents, blogging has taken living and loving and adventuring to another level. 

at the beginning, my first blogging friends were in africa (and geli in germany, an auntie to her african nieces)

chuck and i were planning a trip to zimbabwe in 2008 (to be taken in 2009).

 by then i had made a connection to an orphanage because of this new dear friend in botswana,

 and in the midst of planning i came to chuck with the idea of

extending our trip to include botswana, meet my friend, and visit the orphanage. 

my husband did not understand blogging then and looked at me like i'd lost my mind. 

but he trusted me, and agreed, we would go.

it was a surreal experience to meet two good friends on the other side of the world, after only talking online.

one had traveled from south africa with her bewildered husband (he'd been persuaded too), just to meet.

i'll never forget sitting at a bar on the chobe river, the three couples,

husbands scratching their heads, what is a blog anyway? 

how did we get here?

(for the babies, 35 little knitted hats)

:)

because of this blog, because of you, i have

found friendship

found confidence

felt comfort
felt love

gained compassion

learned how incredibly giving you are (remember pockets for africa?)

been thrilled and delighted

and became a better person

because of you.

thank you beautiful friends

i'm having a giveaway to celebrate five years, but more to celebrate you
 if you've read and felt some connection here like i have, that pleases me to no end.

*

the giveaway:

 one skein of jade sapphire exotic fibres
silk cashmere
55% silk, 45% cashmere 2 ply
in color way   #158 seaglass
there are (approx.) 400 yards  55g in this hand-dyed skein
it's enough to make a small shawl this is what i used in 'flying home' and even had a bit left over
(it's so so lovely, and this color...SO pretty!)

and
one lantern moon handcrafted repair hook
this is the featherlight
(i have one and LOVE it)
'this environmentally friendly product is made from plantation grown wood
that is organically treated to add density and hardness. free of formaldehyde and resin'
 to protect this tiny hook it comes in its own little sleeve
a sample of the beautiful hand weaving done by the cham people of vietnam

and alternatively,
if you are not a knitter, i have filled a small abalone shell with seaglass to give away
collected by me, on beaches here in california and in mexico and hawaii

please leave a comment if you would prefer the wool or the glass
random number generator will choose two names, one for each, five days from now,
this giveaway is open to the whole world,
no exceptions.
(((thank you again)))
xxxxxx lori

today was also my mom's wedding anniversary. in celebration of her love (s)
this is for you mom...

(edited to add) song by simon lynge

new year

hello lovely friends. thank you once again for the kindest words on the mountain posts. i'm hoping everyone had a wonderful holiday, celebrated with love and joy and even a little magic. i think i'm just now recovering. i cried when my children all came home and cried even more when they left again. i cried missing my mum who passed away last september. but when i had to hand my camera over for repairs, and was told maybe it would be back in six weeks ( my eyes filling with tears again), i knew it was time to find a way to step out of this fog i've been in. missing is okay, but it was beginning to feel like depression.

tonight i picked up my knitting needles, the first time in days. and made this post too. looking through the many photos i'd taken this year made me feel blessed and better already.

giving thanks for twenty eleven... 

january ~  spending our anniversary in the redwoods, big sur, california

february ~ camping in californias serengeti, the carrizo plain

february ~ visiting my youngest daughter in brooklyn, new york

march ~  fox encounter, carpinterias salt marsh

april ~  back to the carrizo plain

may ~ back to nyc, to the fashion institute of technology, to earn my knitting teachers credential

june ~ taking the train to anaheim, california to see u2 in concert



july ~ the royal couple visited carpinteria

august ~ home

september ~ my mother, paris 2001

october ~ paddle boarding in the pacific ocean

november ~ making big plans

december ~ the sierras, family and home

these were some of the things that filled our year in twenty eleven. it's difficult to choose just one photo and one line to describe a month, or even a day. and though losing my mom has been the hardest thing in my life, tonight when chuck and i went out to dinner we agreed it was indeed a year to be thankful for, with the blessings of good health, good friends, much loved family, one little dog and adventures too, we hope for the new year to be more of these things, for all. cheers and welcome twenty twelve.
love, lori xxx

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.


Then someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!”


“Gone where?”


Gone from my sight. That is all.


Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!” there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout:


“Here she comes!”


And that is dying.

Henry Van Dyke

my mom sylvia

october 22, 1934 ~ september 28, 2011

on holy ground

'Walking with loved ones as they approach death is a sacred time. Your hands, your touch, your care are instruments of God's presence. Your voice allows your loved one to trust so he or she can move into a new relationship with God. You are standing on holy ground.'



my mother is dying. yesterday we met with hospice as all her family gathered one by one around her. we had to discuss those things i never wanted to before. my sister my stepdad and i. we took decisions on her behalf, she can't see or speak anymore.

they came, the aunties and grandchildren, the cousins and friends. each saying in his or her own way, goodbye. my sister and i sat each on the side of her bed, holding her hands and made promises to her, those things a mother would want, need to hear. we'll take care of each other, she'd never have to worry.

hospice told us maybe a week more, maybe tonight. i foolishly thought i'd been prepared, this has been a long grief filled road. but now, holding my mothers wisp of a hand, i know i've a ways to go.

x lori

this is the hardest thing for me to write about. but it's too much a part of my life (it is my life) to not be open about here. i began this blog for my mom, 3 years ago, when alzheimer's was taking her farther and farther away from us. my stepdad would bring up my blog on their computer and set her in front of it, and she would read. after a time she would not be able to read anymore, but just look at the photos. for a long time now, she hasn't looked at all. somehow i know she would be okay with me writing this. she always felt that everything i did was brilliant. just like a mother tends to do.