comfort zone

for two or three years she had known that her memory was slipping, sometimes she would whisper that something was wrong. she couldn't understand, she couldn't explain, she was often scared.

she gradually lost the ability to make sense out of what her eyes and ears told her.

sometimes she would react with anger. it was an anger she herself did not understand. the closets of her mind sprang open and fell shut, or vanished altogether.





her life seemed gone.

she was glad when her family came to visit her. sometimes she remembered their names, more often she did not.
*words borrowed from The 36-Hour Day, A family guide to Caring for Persons with Alzheimer Disease, Related Dementing Illnesses, and Memory Loss In Later Life.

last thursday i drove hours to my sisters and together we continued on further south, to our mom's and the hospital. i don't know how to write a post like this. i know anyone who reads my journal thinks i either whitewash my life or leave things out. this is true. the leaving out part. (well, but everything that i do write about is 100% true) .

and so i struggled within, do i write about my mom and what she's going through, what we, her family are going through? do i burden another with my sadness? then a wise blogging friend who recently lost her dad told me it was too much a part of her life to not. so i'm stepping outside of my comfort zone and writing, it's too much a part of my life.

i miss my mom. i miss her so much. she is still here, even though she's really not. she's why i started my blog in august 2008. i was hoping she would love to see my writing, my kids (her babies she'd say). and in the beginning she did. i know i'm supposed to be happy for the time we had, be grateful and i am. but she's only 76, except for her mind, she's strong, healthy and beautiful. except for her mind. now my sister and i wish for her to have no memory at all, because this place she's in now, filled with fear, anger, paranoia, sadness and no comfort zone, is killing us.

driving home with my head swirling, tears falling, memories fading in and out, i finally saw the ocean as i neared home. i could only think one thing.

thank you god for letting some things stay pretty much the same.

paperbag fun

having a little extra time on my hands today (at work, i didn't eat lunch, and it was really slow),i decided to make a cover for a book i'm reading about africa. the book is old and borrowed and i didn't want to damage it since it was loaned to me by a special friend. luckily i had my travel watercolor set with me! using a paperbag, (i like how it takes paint, here is another i did) i started on the front and i liked it so far but it seemed to be missing something...






so i painted a zebra on the back, it looks a little better, then i added white around the faux photos for good effect, but still, it's not quite right...






i added some guinea fowl feathers, that should do it i thought, but it was still not what i wanted, and then i knew!







can you see what i added to complete the cover? (well, almost complete, it will get the micron pen treatment at home) it's....

owen!




owen in africa! hahaha...

i think he looks cute...

peeking out from behind the giraffe...

here is the cover on the book front...

book back...

and side.

oh owen. :)

♥ lori

p.s. thank you everyone so much for the etsy and magazine love. i know you all made a few people very happy!

I'm very pleased to introduce Dolphin Magazine, a new online magazine. Published by Ocean (Magazine), a not for profit organization, it's dedicated to celebrating and protecting the earth's ocean and it's creatures says Publisher Diane Buccheri...

Dolphin, a beautifully conceived magazine, is filled with stories, photos, poetry, meditations and even a dolphin song. I'm grateful to have two photos in this first issue. If you'd like to have a look at this labor of love and inspiration, go here. And you can say hi to me here (photo and bio)! Thank you Diane for letting me be a part of Dolphin magazine.

I'd also like to introduce flower child photo cards.

I've been busy making cards (having fun!) with images from California's

spring wildflower bloom we found this year...

The cards are made with my 4x6 photographs.

An envelope and clear sleeve to protect are included until

ready to be used...

flower child photo cards*

pick one here!

♥ lori

* a portion of proceeds goes towards Breast Cancer Research, you can read more about that here. thank you for looking! I hope everyone had a joyful Mother's Day!

sea treasure

this is what i found in less than two hours this morning,

here...



with the help of him...

this is how i found this red piece. red is rare, i was so excited i couldn't take a straight photo...

then i found blue

so many blues...

just kidding about owen helping. he sniffed jellyfish, chased birds and barked at giant crabs...

and waited patiently for me, look! a green one!

and then, unbelievably another red,

oh my lord, look at this blue...

i've never seen anything like it before...

it was like the seaglass fairy came overnight and sprinkled the beach with these. or if the legend is true, and a mermaid was shedding so many tears, i hope at least, some were tears of joy.

more treasures that found their way into my pockets...

and these are getting ready to be posted in the mail soon!

i'm going back in the morning

want to come with?

♥ lori

~Sea glass or Mermaid's Tears as it is also known is a wonderful natural creation filled with magic, legends and an air of mystery. Perhaps that piece of cornflower you twirl between your fingers originated as a Victorian poison bottle tossed into the sea by some cloaked woman hiding in the shadows trying to elimininate all traces of her dastardly crime. That rare regal red that you have plucked from the sand could have been a lantern from a notorious pirate vessel lost to the sea now lurking in the mists near some forgotten shoreline. The legend of Mermaid's Tears says that the tears (or sea glass) were created by mermaids who sobbed for the tears of sailor's lost at sea. As their tears hit the water, they turned to these magical pieces of frosted glass. Lovingly nurtured by the ocean; tossed and churned; pounded by surf and rumbled across pebbles to create an amazing piece of beautiful history. ~

and for even more about sea glass,
The Sea Glass Journal and The Sea Glass Odyssey are fun places to visit!

welcome to the beach

Photos above taken at AVP Long Beach 2007 - by Chuck Graham

1) digging 2 & 3) serving 4& 5) hitting

That's my boy.

Welcome to the Beach.

And the AVP Santa Barbara Open Volleyball Tournament

Early last week my eldest son, Kyle, called me and said he would be playing. Kyle, now a "former pro" would be coming home to Santa Barbara to be in this tournament, although he hasn't been on the tour for a couple years now.

We were thrilled at the news.

That would sound funny to some who know me (my kids included) since the last 30 years of my life have been all about volleyball, many times too much volleyball. It began with their Dad, a pro player. As each one of my babies were born (with a volleyball in their hands) our commitment and participation grew and grew. It was definitely not an all love relationship.

But if you were to ask any of my kids I think they would say it's all been worth it and then some. Volleyball has taught them many lessons and opened many doors. School scholarships, travel experiences, life lessons I could never have given them.

Kyle didn't qualify and was out on Thursday, but we spent some time at the beach anyway cheering on some of his friends. If your interested in learning more about the AVP , Association of Volleyball Professionals , here is their website. (there are some great videos and photos). And an interview with my son Kyle (which he forgot to tell me about).

When he asked if he could come up and stay he brought five others with him (he asked). There were three large AVP guys and three AVP loving girls. We don't have a very big house and only one spare bedroom, can you imagine the mayhem (fun) here for five days??

little owen finally met his match.

♥ lori

*It's hard to write a post like this, I debated whether to keep it in in my private journal, but my mothering pride won out. I hope Kyle will understand, and you will too :)

postcards from here

tucked into a teeny tiny motel, three hours north of home, my oldest daughter kimberly and i are spending some mother~daughter time alone together. for me it's just fun, but for her it's a much needed break. this last week alone she moved, went to school, worked, single parented her two children + her friends two for the week. she was so tired last night she fell asleep mid sentence. this morning she said to me, mama, i didn't even say goodnight! while we are here we plan to do alot of nothing along with walks on the beach, antiquing, eating seafood and sleeping. when i get back home i'll do my best to catch up in my journal here, i've got some exciting things to write!

wish you were here!

♥ lori & kimberly