I thought I wanted more roomfreedomprivacyspace. I thought. But if that's true then why was it oh so hard to watch him go? And now, he is back. But...my boy is gone. He is a man. My son left a boy and came back a man. I was shocked and honestly didn't know how to deal with my feelings. I couldn't stop looking at him.
My oldest son had picked him up at the airport and brought him to our family Easter gathering. Those two had figured it out amongst themselves. And that's the other thing. They used to need me. I liked that, but at the same time I wanted them to be independent. Now they are. Right before my eyes, self~reliant, sovereign . And I am happy but sad, is there a word for this? I just keep staring at them. At him. My middle son, now a man.
And I think I fell in love with him all over again. Like when I saw him for the first time. Here he was brand new to me. Again. All grown up. I can't stop staring at him. This beautiful new man.
I think I've said this before...I am so not cut out for this. But oh, I am so lucky. My god.
..."and when I grow up, I'll go here and here" ...